I remember a time when I was about 7 or 8. It was an unusually warm spring day in Tacoma, Washington. I decided to go play outside at the neighborhood playground. I was on the swings when the parent of a friend came by. Mrs. Reever was a sweet mom that had often helped with our Cub Scout troop. We visited and talked about the nice weather. Before our conversation ended, I told her how she reminded me of my grandmother. Now to be fair, she was an older parent. She and her husband had not been able to conceive and they were not able to adopt until later in life. I loved my grandma. But Mrs. Reever did NOT take this as a complement. When I returned home, I found out that she had called my mom in tears. She thought I was calling her “old.”
Even though I meant no harm, the naïve words of a grade-schooler hurt poor Mrs. Reever.
A couple years later I misspoke again. Oh, to take back words uttered in ignorance. I remember it like it was yesterday. My aunt picked up my brother and me in her little red convertible. She was introducing us to her nieces from her husband’s previous marriage. I remember they were cute girls and after getting up the nerve to speak to them I pointed at one girl’s mouth and blurted out, “Are those buck teeth?” The words had only just left my mouth when her hand impacted my check. Whoa…what was that all about?
My aunt told me that I was rude to ask that. They both thought I was taunting this girl. Heck, I was just a little kid of 9 or 10 and didn’t realize the question was rude.
But we all say things we wish we hadn’t.
Winston Churchill said, “I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.” We all make blunders from time to time. Even as imperfect as we are as parents, it is our duty to teach our children to speak kind and uplifting words.
When our kids were younger we would often have “family night.” On one such evening we decided to take them through a devotion on uplifting one another and the power of words.
We bought each of our four kids a tube of toothpaste. We gave them the tube and a large piece of butcher paper. We told them to squeeze out the paste in any way or design they wanted. After that, we simply asked them to put the toothpaste back in the tube. They looked at us like we were crazy. After about five minutes of attempts and laughter, they realized once the paste was out of the tube, it wasn’t going back in. Not only wouldn’t it go back in, it made an awful mess trying to put it back.
We were able to tell them that words are like toothpaste. Once they come out, no matter how hard we try, we just can’t put them back – they are out for good. The book of Proverbs says, “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” It also says “Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them.” And they’ll probably get slapped too.
This little devotion was messy and fun. That’s why they will remember it all of their lives. Try it if you have young kids. This fun family activity will reinforce just how powerful words can be.
Obviously, when kids use bad words or speak hurtfully, parents need to step in, being careful to react in an age appropriate way. There is a difference between childish irresponsibility (telling a sweet lady that she reminds you of your grandmother) and willfully hurting (calling someone names). Both certainly need correction, but not necessarily punishment.
So the old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” just isn’t true. Today our culture has all but extinguished the “N” word from our daily vocabulary. We now clearly understand how hurtful that can be to an entire group of people.
Once again, our culture is saying NO to a hurtful word. The “R” word (retard) is derogatory and painful to the families dealing with special needs. God created each and every one of us to be special, unique and in His image. Using the “R” word lessens the value of all of God’s people.
Words have power. In the movie “The Help,” housekeeper Aibileen consistently tells little Mae Mobley, ‘You is smart…you is kind…you is important.” Aren’t those the kind of words YOU would like to hear? Words can hurt, but they can also build up. Let’s model good words and teach our children to do the same.