By: Dr. Brian Gannon
Adopted children tend to have predictable challenges related to adjusting to a new family, self-image, fear of abandonment, and self-doubt as they wonder why their families are different from traditional families.
Owensboro is a unique town for many reasons, but one thing I noticed soon after moving here: this town is very adoption-friendly. Since many local families are choosing to grow through adoption, I would like to offer a medical perspective on the benefits and challenges parents face as they enter the world of adoption.
There are many types of adoption: family adoptions, private domestic, international and foster-to-adopt. Each has its pros and cons, and choosing the right fit for your family requires some honest soul-searching. Family adoptions are straightforward: this would be the stepparent who adopts a spouse’s child, or the grandparent or other relative who takes in a child whose parents are unavailable. In these situations, everything is open, and all the parties know what they are getting into, because the new parents know the child already.
Domestic adoptions are a bit different. Currently, most adoptions in the USA are “open,” meaning the birth mothers (and sometimes fathers) expect to keep in touch with the adoptive family on some level. This scares away some potential adoptive couples, but it can be a good thing. It allows the child to understand early on the story of his adoption, and he has access to family medical history. Birth parents often agree to help pay for the birth mother’s prenatal care, but they have the chance to bond with her before the baby comes. This can be expensive, and of the types of adoption, there is the highest risk of things falling through.
International adoptions have become attractive to some adopting couples because they are always closed. There is almost no chance of any contact with the birth parents, and often even the agency or orphanage will not have access to identifying information. These adoptions are frequently cross-cultural, which can be both a challenge and a blessing, as it can enrich the adoptive family’s understanding of cultures diverse from their own.
We are fortunate in Owensboro to have two nearby clinics which assist parents after they return from abroad with a newly-adopted child: UK and Vanderbilt. Depending on the country of origin, children may be malnourished, delayed in development, premature or withdrawing from maternal addiction. Some will need vaccines redone and most will need some lab work to assess their overall health and look for common problems specific to the country of origin. Medical records may be difficult to read, misleading or simply incorrect. Families considering this option should research the country-specific issues before preparing a dossier (the documents that must be filed with the international agency before a child is identified for a given family), but adoption agencies are very helpful in guiding prospective parents through this process.
Foster children are more commonly adopted at a later age, often at least a year old, and also tend to come in sibling groups. Families hoping to give back to the community by providing care for these children should be aware that many of the children in their care will be reunited with their birth families within 1-2 years. Sadly, some of these parents are unable or unwilling to make the changes in their lives that would allow them to regain custody of their children, so some kids become available for long-term placement and adoption.
Regardless of the long-term outcome for children in foster care, this is a way loving parents can make huge difference in many children’s lives, even if the foster parents never adopt. For some of these children, their time in foster care allows them to see how stable, loving families operate, and they take those lessons with them if reunited. Those feelings of acceptance can protect them against unrest later in life, and their experiences can positively affect their entire families, especially when dealing with older children who can model good behaviors they may learn in foster care.
Definitely, many foster children have special needs, or have suffered abuse of various kinds. These children have more medical or mental health needs than the average child, but for the right adopting parents, caring for a child with special needs can be extremely fulfilling, despite the challenges.
Adopted children tend to have predictable challenges related to adjusting to a new family, self-image, fear of abandonment, and self-doubt as they wonder why their families are different from traditional families. But with a little support and prayer, these hurdles can lead to a rich and rewarding experience for the entire family. Adopting a child truly is an adventure, but one that is well worth the labor parents put into it.