Confession: I’m not a competitive person. That may sound strange coming from a lawyer, but I’m talking more about sports. Growing up, I played soccer for about nine years, from the time I was 6. I also tried my hand at baseball, basketball and golf, and was even talked into joining the tennis team for a year in high school (there weren’t any tryouts). Through the years, teams, teammates and coaches changed, but the one common thread running through all my youth sports experiences was that I almost* always had fun (*Honestly, what 10-year old loves going to soccer practice every day when he’s got a perfectly good bike to ride with this friends?).
But as much fun as I had, I just wasn’t a competitive kid. I think my lack of competitiveness can be attributed to a few factors: (1) it was just my personality; (2) I was never really great at any athletic endeavor; and (3) my parents never pressured me to do anything but go out and enjoy myself. I did spend the majority of my playing time in “recreational” leagues, after all. And isn’t that kinda the definition of “recreation”—having fun?
Now, as an adult, I still enjoy sports: exercise, golf, and occasionally, basketball. But I also still do those things because I enjoy them. As a parent, I try to pass down that same mentality to my kids. My oldest, Jude, is 6, the age I began playing organized sports. So, far, he’s tried his hand at baseball, basketball, golf, tennis, and triathlons. Like his dad, he didn’t always love the idea of going to practice, but he always enjoyed it once he was there—and that’s the point—having fun!
According to a poll from the National Alliance for Youth Sports, around 70 percent of kids in the United States stop playing organized sports by the age of 13 because “it’s just not fun anymore.” Some of the kids surveyed cited an increased emphasis on competition as the problem. Others felt too much pressure from their parents to perform well. Either way, there’s definitely a problem when kids can’t have fun playing a sport.
On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with competition. In fact, I believe it’s important to reward kids for their hard work. First-place trophies give them something to strive for, and I think that’s important, too. Even early on in my parenthood journey, I recognize that witnessing your child succeed is an awesome feeling. Watching them swell with pride when they hit a baseball or cross the finish line can, and should be, a source of pride for parents, too. What I’m getting at is the fact that, as long as your kid is having fun, parents should be just as proud and encouraging when their child is the last to cross the finish line.
I get it, sports are competitive by their very nature, and instilling a healthy competitive spirit in your child can benefit them later in life, too. But sports also provide an excellent environment for kids to make friends, be active, and understand the value of teamwork. Those are the most important benefits I gleaned from my time playing youth sports. And those are also the benefits that translate best to adulthood. I was never the best player on any team, but participating in sports as a child laid a solid foundation for me to enjoy sports as an adult. Even better, I now get to play those same sports with my son. Golf may not be Jude’s favorite activity, but when he gets to come out on the course with dad, he’s the happiest kid on earth.
And honestly, if playing sports doesn’t make your child happy, the rest of the experience, despite its benefits, doesn’t really matter. In the grand scheme of things, even though time moves pretty slowly for kids, there’s only a small window of time where life is totally stress-free and unimpeded by a long list of responsibilities. Why would we want to ruin those precious moments for our kids by heaping on pressure to succeed at sports?
So encourage your child to compete as hard as they can, just don’t take the fun out of it.