By: Dr. Brian Gannon
Children nowadays are bombarded with many more messages and images than children of earlier generations, and parents are often uncertain how to teach their children about personal safety, not only from car accidents and poisonings, but also from invasions of privacy and individual space. According to Terri Crowe, of New Beginnings Support Services in Owensboro, awareness of child endangerment is growing, but parents still have a lot to learn about protecting their children from “bad touch,” either by other children or adults. She suggests several strategies for talking to your children about this important issue.
1) Talk about “body safety” early and often. Children understand the concept of “good touch/bad touch” by the age of about 3 years. A good example is that a hug from a grandparent feels good, so is ok, but the touch of a stranger may be scary, so the child should report this to the parent. On the other hand, children should never be forced or coerced into submitting to invasion of their personal space just because refusing might hurt the adult’s feelings. If Johnny does not want to let Aunt Martha give him a hug, he should learn that he has the right to choose another interaction, such as shaking hands or waving. This does not mean the child is allowed to be rude, but he should be taught that he has ultimate control of his own personal space. Otherwise he will learn that he must do what the adults say, even if it makes him feel uncomfortable.
2) When children are newly potty-trained, they often do not respect their own or others’ privacy when in the bathroom, so little girls may walk in on little boys, etc. This may be innocent, but it is also a teachable moment to discuss how that made her feel. It gives parents a chance to teach politeness, like knock before entering, but also that nobody should touch her private areas except the child and the parent, only related to bathing or going potty. I often bring this up during office visits, reminding children that doctors only need to look if the parent is present and agrees it’s ok, and only to check out the child’s health.
3) As children mature, the best thing a parent can do is to be open to children’s body issues and listen carefully when children talk about their concerns. Never minimize the child’s concerns, because you hope that if a bigger issue comes up during the teenage years, your child will still come to you for advice.
4) Internet safety presents a special challenge to today’s families. Parents really must track their tweens and teens as they explore the Internet, and proper controls should be in place to prevent kids from revealing identifying information to strangers or in public cyberspace. Naïve children often do not understand how the information they share may be used by strangers in ways that may endanger the child or the family, so parents have a responsibility to monitor this activity carefully, even if it means saying no to Facebook or a personal cellphone for their sixth grader.
5) If your child shows any of the following signs, seek help from a professional. These are possible signs of abuse or other mental health problems: sudden change in appetite or weight; new sleep disturbances or nightmares; new fears of specific people; interest in or knowledge of adult matters beyond that expected for age; regressing to more childlike behaviors like thumb sucking or bedwetting; or expressing affection in ways inappropriate for age.
6) Terri from New Beginnings has lots of resources for parents who have questions about how to present all this scary material to their children. She speaks at schools all the time to get the word out, and New Beginnings is also a great resource for children, parents, and adults who may have been affected by assault or other unwanted touching. If you have suspicions about inappropriate contact, the staff at New Beginnings (24 hour help line 800-226-7273) can help you navigate the system of law enforcement, social workers and forensic nurses, and they provide emotional support and practical advice at every step of the way to help with the healing process, no matter what the situation. She suggests the following websites as excellent sources of information about preventing abuse: www.rainn.org, www.kasap.org/children_and_teens.html, www.preventchildabuse.org/advocacy.
The most important message:
Listen to your children and take them seriously. Children rarely lie about inappropriate contact. If your child reports such activity, seek help immediately. We are here to listen and help.