Q&A with Christina Dalton, MSSW, CSW
Q: I have a 10-year-old child and I get so frustrated with all of the shows on TV. I feel like I need to monitor commercials at this point. How can I really monitor what she watches and make sure it’s age appropriate?
A: I am in the same boat as you are these days, as are most parents. You can lock down the channels and put codes on the remote but I’ve been there with you on commercials. My daughter and I were watching a show on ABC and a commercial comes on for the Bachelor and before you know it, the “B” word comes out at the end of the commercial. I believe the censor department has dozed off because there are words on television now that I’m pretty sure didn’t used to be and it still shocks me at times. My child thinks that using inappropriate language is at the top of the list of worst things you can do. But how do you explain to your own child why people talk like this on television, at the store or out in public in general? I wish I had a better answer for you, but I don’t. We are all in the same battle and you’re not alone. I tell my child that sometimes people use inappropriate language and I don’t know why. I know that’s a terrible answer, but it’s the truth. I will say something I have recently been doing is going back to the classics. The other night we watched, Black Beauty and she loved it and so did I. Perhaps going back to the good ole classics is the way to go. You can’t go wrong with Old Yeller, Where the Red Fern Grows or Black Beauty. I was surprised that she loved it and it is a safe alternative.
Q: In the news recently, Heidi Klum said that she pays her kids to eat healthy. I try not to “bribe” my children whenever possible. What do you think about this?
A: There has been some controversy over the whole paying your children to eat healthy. I saw a few things on TV about this and it said that Heidi Klum pays her kids $1 if they finish their smoothies in the morning and I guess they do not taste the best. It’s not that big of a deal to me personally. She does have two or three kids, I think and that would get pretty expensive on a daily basis but I think she’s doing ok and the smoothie payouts probably aren’t going to break the bank. I think this is an issue that comes down to picking your battles. If getting your children to eat their vegetables is high on your list and they won’t do it, then you may have to think about what you could use or if you want to pay them. I think that there are lots of vegetable alternatives these days that you can use to make sure that your children get their vegetables. They have those juice boxes that “hide” the vegetables in them and lots of other different food items that you can try before you use the almighty dollar. It’s not a big deal if you do but then they might start to expect to be paid for doing all the things that they do for you. It’s just something to think about.
Q: I’m sure you’re probably asked this question a lot but what do you do with a child that will not do anything you say, ever! I have three children but this one is going to get the best of me. He is 4 years old and he bosses me around daily. He tells everyone what to do and we do it. I think I’ve waited too late.
A: First rule to always remember: it’s never too late. Anyone that is reading this can relate to this question and if they don’t then they are lying to themselves…LOL! There are always times when we give in too easy. We let them stay up too late and before we know it they are the boss of us. It happens. Has your child ever said, “You’re not the boss of me!” Welcome to parenthood. I have really seen instances where I think it has gone on too long and it could be classified as a lost cause, but there’s always hope. You need to remember that you cannot control your child’s behavior. I know. I know. Weird statement, but true. The only thing you can control is your own behavior and let’s face it, that’s pretty darn hard on any given day. My recommendation for you is to change your behavior. When the child wants you to play a game, go outside, or make cookies you say, “I’m sorry…I only do those nice things for children who are sweet and kind to the people around them.” Will this make your home miserable? Yes! Will it make your home a nicer place to live in the future? Yes! Just give it a try. Good Luck!