By: Dean Ehrenheim
Television really has an impact on the shaping of our ideals.
I remember a vintage public service announcement that still has an impact on me decades later. The short spot showed a little boy being the perfect copy-cat of his dad; he washed the car like dad, he skipped a stone like dad, he painted the house like dad, then in the last scene he picked up a pack of cigarettes…like dad.
As powerful as that video was, the real story was the impact of a dad! Fathers uniquely influence their children. So the question isn’t whether a father will impact his child(ren); the question is how will a father impact his child(ren)?
In a society obsessed with leadership and self-improvement (not a bad thing at all), we tend to forget that every parent IS ALREADY a leader…a leader of their child(ren). Leading our children is an awesome responsibility that should be embraced and enjoyed.
Evidence supports the importance of fathers taking time to invest in their kids’ education. I recently took my daughter to pick up her driver’s education manual. While the booklet will teach the rules of the road — when to turn on a blinker, what the different signs mean and how to react in an emergency — the simple fact is my driving to the office to pick up the manual will influence her style of driving more than any manual itself.
Just like the vintage video, our actions speak louder than words.
Fathers play a key role in their child’s educational success. A report from the National Center of Education Statistics, states that half of all children with highly involved fathers in two-parent families reported getting mostly A’s through 12th grade, compared to 35.2% of children of nonresident father families.
In an ever increasingly competitive job market, scholastic achievement is a necessity. Evidence suggests that fathers can impact that achievement opportunity. Dads need to recognize their position of influence over their kids and be deliberate in teaching them to be smart and good adults. Dads do make a difference.
Helping your kids do well in school will set them on a course for success that will last a life time.
Read to your kids.
Being a model reader increases your child’s opportunity for educational success. Start early, even before they can talk. Also, it’s never too late. If you did not create this routine, find books that will engage the mind of your youth and begin today. In 2001, 61 percent of 3- to 5-year olds living with two parents were read aloud to everyday by a family member, compared to 48% of children living in single- or no-parent families. Reading is the foundation for all educational success.
Learn about your kids at parent-teacher conferences.
Hear about the real challenges your kids may have first hand and how they act away from home. Kids are different outside of their family environment. You may be surprised to find out that they act much differently in the school setting than they do in the familiar surroundings of home. When my kids’ teachers would say how polite and respectful my kids were, I would always check to see if I was in the right parent-teacher conference. But it’s true; they act differently in school than at home. Being better informed will help you better support your child.
Study with your kids.
Setting time aside to meet with your child and demonstrate the seriousness of education will help your kids get good grades. Success breeds success. Set the trend early and they are more likely to maintain that through all of their schooling.
Look for teachable moments.
Talk during the day, frequently, and look for opportunities to teach. When you are on a walk, talk about what you see and hear. At the store, you can talk about prices, value, saving and spending. Talk about TV shows and how they support or conflict with your family values. Be engaged.
Cash in on bedtime.
One of the best times to connect with your kids is at bed time. Parents report having powerful conversations that wouldn’t be possible during the hustle of the day. Creating that sense of security and support will help them sleep well and be rested for the next day.
Teach them how to ask for help.
Can I confess? I am horrible at reading directions. When I got a new web camera last month, I just hooked it up and skipped over all the instructions. I got away with it, but there are times when not asking for directions can cause real problems. It’s a bit disconcerting to put a bicycle together, only to find out there are a number of left-over screws and nuts. As men, it can be humbling to pull the car over and ask for directions when we are lost, but it teaches our kids to be truth-seekers and gives them the ability to be better problem-solvers. Our kids may well get by in elementary school math without much help, but when moving up to calculus, knowing how to seek answers and work problems is a very necessary skill that fathers can teach.
A 2005 study (“The mediating role of fathers’ school involvement on student achievement”) of 1330 children showed that fathers who are involved on a personal level with their child’s schooling increases the likelihood of their child’s achievement. When fathers assume a positive role in their child’s education, students feel a positive impact.
Fathers will make a difference in their children’s education and lives…one way or another. They have more influence than friends, teachers or even the media. It’s a rich and exciting journey that men can have with their children.
In “Man Enough: Fathers, Sons, and the Search for Masculinity” author Frank Pittman, MD, says “The guys who fear becoming fathers don’t understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects men.”
For more information and support on fathering, check out:
Fatherhood.org or Fathers.com