By: Elaine Martin
Lean in a little closer…shhh…I received my Mother’s Day gift early this year.
Yep, my kids did something wonderful for me a few months ago. Why is this hush-hush? Well, they don’t know how magical their actions were and still don’t have any idea. If I don’t tell them, I may still get some slippers or body wash on Mother’s Day, May 11.
Confused? Let me backtrack a little bit. Earlier this year, I was asked to be a guest speaker at a local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. My feelings went from, “How cool! I love MOPS and haven’t been in so long” to “Hang on…the speaker for this is ME? How in the world could a clumsy woman like me encourage those sweet moms?”
I don’t know if there is a mother on the planet that has ever thought, “Y’know what? I am really rocking this whole motherhood thing. There is not one thing I would change about my role as the World’s Perfect Mother.”
I’ve been a mom for almost 17 years and 97.8% of those have been spent wondering if I could be doing a better job. Do I hug my kids enough…or too much? Do I model how to love our neighbors…or do I love others more than my own offspring? Oh no! Did I read too many books when they were younger…should I have turned less pages and played more?
These were the very real thoughts running through my mind the week before my MOPS endeavor. What did I really know about encouraging these moms when I wasn’t even sure I had done things correctly myself? I went to a very reliable and VERY sure place to tell me the truth, my three kids. I wanted to ask them questions that would help me hear what they think a good mom would be like. I asked them to take a few days to really think about the questions and give me their honest feedback. Immunity was offered, as I told them that no answer would get them in trouble because I wanted to know their true feelings.
The responses I received back were actually quite different than what I expected. The most insightful things I noted were not what was written, but what was NOT written.
What do you like best about our family?
Kid 1 – We don’t care what others think about us. We are our own family.
Kid 2 – I like that we are not afraid to talk about bathroom things and are all together and whole as one.
Kid 3 – Pranks, you don’t care if I go out with friends or have friends over, weird situations we get into, and people like our family.
Mmmm….so, I was getting the feeling that my kids actually liked where they were genetically placed. They were maybe even a little proud to be part of my little group. Maybe it was a wise choice to not ban body humor at the dinner table?
Kid 1 – Patience, trust, & common sense
Kid 2 – Patience, humor, & patience
Kid 3 – Patience, confidence, & role model
Hold on!!!!!! Seriously? Do you see that too? None of these quirky kids said a mom should be able to cook a tasty well-balanced meal! A good mom really doesn’t have to know how to make a flamingo habitat out of popsicle sticks, rubber bands, and glitter? In their eyes, a wonderful mom is one thing… patient. Now, I’m not saying that I personally possess this virtue, but I now know my girls place that above other skills I found to be more important.
Finish this sentence…”The most important thing my mom does for me is…”
Kid 1 – gives me space to let me figure out life on my own.
Kid 2 – always listens for what I have to say and pretends she is in my shoes.
Kid 3 – shows me that she is loving and there for me. She may be crazy and wild, but she is only there to support and love me.
I have to be honest – I got a little choked up at this point. Why, oh why, did I think my kids would think “buying me what I want at the mall” would be the most important thing? Not one of these estrogen beauties penned “threw me the best birthday party” as a mom highlight.
These survey results were their gift to me and were the insights I shared with those cute, young MOPS mommies. To my kids, and I am 100% sure yours would say as well, a good mom is YOU…when you tuck him in bed at night and listen as he shares his deepest fears, and you don’t discount them. You’re the world’s best when you let your daughter wear horribly uncoordinated clothes to school because she picked the outfit herself, feeling like a princess.
You can totally earn the “Best Momma Ever” medal when you are the loudest parent cheering from the sidelines on a cold, wet day. Will she be embarrassed? Of course, but more than anything, she’ll always remember that you were there to love and support her, no matter what.