A few months ago I saw the movie “Courageous.” This was another movie in a recent trend toward crafting a moral message from a Biblical perspective. Regardless of your own personal faith, the lesson focusing on dads was universal; you are important, you make a difference, you have purpose.
While we may not live the “Leave it to Beaver” world of yesteryear, men need to recognize their great value in the raising of their children. Both mothers and fathers leave an imprint on the character of their kids, but all too often men play the role of spectator. So what does it take to be a great father?
Casting Crowns recorded the title-track to the movie “Courageous.” The song sets forth the foundation for which fathering (and indeed parenting) begins…it takes no less than COURAGE.
What is real courage? Courage is not the absence of fear, but acting on your convictions despite your fears. I remember the drive home from HCA Medical Center in Plano, Texas in 1987. I kept thinking, “Is this little person ours? How will we be able to raise him?” Despite the fear, we pushed on. We had to. We accepted our role as parents and worked together.
But many today struggle with that role as parent due to divorce, financial position, immaturity or lack of knowledge. It’s a struggle that could impact generations.
The results of fallen fatherhood are indisputable. Our prisons are full of men who were fatherless for most of their lives. Yet there was a dad, there had to be. So, like the song says, “Where are you, men of courage?”
Despite the formidable challenges we face today, there is great hope. Men need to stand tall and become those men of courage. It’s what we were meant to be.
Teach your children to look both ways before crossing the street
Too many fathers believe the lie that says “I am being hypocritical to tell my kids not to do something that I did when I was young.” How ridiculous. We all make mistakes. But don’t we try to correct them or keep them from happening again? If not, could any of us keep a job, stay married or even have friends?
It is our obligation and even our commission to teach our kids to live better than we did. Just like teaching our children to look both ways before crossing the street, we didn’t let them discover those dangers for themselves. We taught them. Whether it’s about premarital sex, underage drinking, taking drugs, shop lifting or cheating (you name it) we need to teach them that those things were dangerous and unhealthy. Don’t’ stop teaching them to look both ways just because you didn’t.
Stop keeping up with the Jones’
(My apologies to the Jones’)
We live in an “I want it yesterday” society. Commercials tell us we need it and we believe the lie. Helping our children “Expect the Greater Reward” (September 2011 Advice from an Ordinary Dad) by putting off instant gratification will teach our kids to be content and save for something greater in the future. Giving our kids everything they ask for may win us “brownie points” as the fun or cool parent, but it also teaches unrealistic expectations. The local news tells us that our hunger for instant gratification has made us a nation of debtors, causing our current financial crisis. My parents always taught me it was foolish to “keep up with the Jones’.” Most of us don’t have the financial resources to anyway. Saying “no” takes courage.
Give time
More than your money, more than your advice, more than your rules, your kids need you. Time is something that slips away all too quickly. The movie paints that point so poignantly when the protagonist chooses to pass on a dance with his little daughter, a choice he later regrets. I have never regretted taking time with my kids. I just wish I had chosen that option more often. Taking time away from your wants takes courage.
Reach up by kneeling down.
My tagline was chosen with great thought and prayer. I am just an ordinary dad. I am not superman and neither are you. I have always wanted to be a dad and have tried to be a good one. However, try as I may, I have failed all too often. Perhaps I pushed too hard at times and other times not hard enough. Or I may have ignored my kids to do something really important, like finish a TV show. But God has been the great equalizer. I have (and my wife has) prayed for our kids all of their lives. I believe in a God who cares and loves far beyond I can even understand. I know there are gaps, but I believe God fills those. God is good.
While my remarks have been pointed at fathers, I know that many mothers are leading their families without a live-in dad. I pray for you regularly. Your challenge is great, but there is great hope. My best friend from college was raised by a loving and caring mother. He is now a loving and caring father of three. If you find yourself in this solo-parenting role and would like to add a positive male role model in your child’s life I encourage you to contact:
Matt Woodfall, Executive Director
MentorKids Kentucky
(270) 926-8693
Today, the challenge is great, but the reward is even greater. We may just be ordinary dads, but if you pray for me, I’ll pray for you and we’ll become the men of courage that God intended. We were made to be courageous.