Q&A with Christina Dalton, MSSW, CSW
Q: My child is almost 4 years old and I can’t seem to get him off of the pacifier. The funny thing is I think I hate to give it up as much as my child. I know it’s time. It’s way past time. The pacifier is such a comfort to him. Any suggestions on getting rid of the pacifier?
A: You sound just like me. My child was almost 3 when I got rid of the pacifier. It killed me as much as it did her. It was such a soothing tool for her. She used it to go to sleep. She used it to calm her when she was upset. But I understand when people start staring at you and thinking, what is that baby still doing with a pacifier? I’ve heard different examples from people on how to most effectively do this. I have heard that you can box up all the pacifiers and get the child to donate them to a hospital. You can explain that your child is a big boy now and he needs to give his pacifiers to new babies and how happy it would make those babies. They can also just magically start disappearing one by one. I bet you to this day, I have a pacifier in my house somewhere. You know how the house eats the pacifiers, and your car too? When I got rid of the pacifier, I said Santa came and took them on Christmas Eve, so he could give them to other babies. It was rough. But it got better. Santa left a note explaining what he was going to do with them and how proud he was of her for growing up and being such a big girl. I have felt your pain, but it’s time. You can do it!
Q: My child is 13 years old and we have tried every sport, every activity you can imagine. We can’t seem to find her thing. It is so frustrating from my perspective and I feel like she doesn’t even care. Do I just give up on all of it and let her find her own way?
A: I don’t know a parent that has not been where you are right now. I’m still not sure what my own child’s thing is yet! It’s such a different society today and people do things so much different than they used to. I don’t recall my Mom asking me if I wanted to do dance or if I wanted to play softball. They were just things I did. I think we try too hard to find their “thing” sometimes and we as parents end up so frustrated at the end of the day. I can’t say that I haven’t got caught up in it either because I have. I want my child to do well, we all do. And it’s hard to admit to ourselves, this is just not something they like. But the one thing we can never do as parents is give up on our children. If every parent walked away from a sporting event or dance recital because we thought our children didn’t care about what they were doing, then no one would ever attend any of their child’s events! I don’t see a thing wrong with letting your child find something they want to do. I don’t see anything wrong with taking a break from extracurricular activities either. They will find their way. Just make sure that you are there with them when they do, supporting and cheering them all the way.
Q: I have an 11-year-old son and it is beginning to be brought to my attention that maybe I should have “the talk” with him. I feel like he is still my sweet, baby boy and I don’t really want to because I don’t want him to change or see things differently. When do you think is the appropriate time to do this with your child?
A: I don’t know if there is a perfect age to discuss the birds and the bees with your child but there are lots of different opinions as to when that perfect time should be. I was recently in a training a couple of months ago and we were watching a video that discussed this very topic. I was so surprised when the women said that she thought children should be taught about sex by the age of 8 years old. I don’t know why, but I personally thought that was way too young. I have to admit that I did agree with her reasoning behind her answer. She said if you want your children to learn the facts and the truth from you then you better tell them by 8 years of age because if not, then they will learn them at school from their classmates and friends. I still think 8 is a little young, but I agree with the rest of her statement. If you want your child to know the truth it needs to come from you. And if you think about what is on television and social media, things come up all the time that relate to sex. There are lots of great books you can buy to help your child understand. You can buy the books and let them look over them and then say let me know when you’re ready to talk about this. I can remember a rumor when I was in elementary school that you could get pregnant if you kissed a boy. I look back and think how scary that thought must have been or would be now for my child. Your son will still be sweet and he will always be your baby boy. He just may not be able to look you in the eyes for a few days…LOL!